EMBRACE THE DETOUR

EMBRACE THE DETOUR

DETOUR…The first thing that comes to my mind is orange barrels and Michigan. Not that they don’t have construction barrels in California…I think the difference is if you see a barrel in California you can bet you will see a construction crew working. In Michigan you almost wonder if they use the roads to store them…just my thoughts.

What is a DETOUR? The dictionary says it is an indirect path, a way around something.  I guess that means most of us have participated in a detour….making us a detourist! I think I would much rather be a tourist…especially when I have my whole trip planned out, I do not want to adjust for any detours to mess up my plans! But isn’t that what happens? At some point in our lives, when we least expect it, a DETOUR happens and everything just seems to fall apart.

I remember someone telling me when I was younger and a very impatient driver, that when there is a detour in the road and you have to take another route, or you are running late, it may just be God’s way of saving you from an accident or other catastrophe. And as you become older you start to look at things from that prospective…especially when you come upon an accident that happened just minutes before you…if you had not stopped for gas (that you should have gotten the night before) or lost your keys, you may have been involved in that accident too! Detours can possibly save our lives.

When was the first DETOUR you recall in your life? Let me take you through my journey of DETOURS…Detours of Planned Futures, Moves, Divorce, Faith, Grace, Mended Relationships, Sickness, Death, and Career.

I was 17 years old, graduating from high school and making plans for college. I really wanted to go to California and attend an interior design college. I didn’t have the courage to leave and go that far from home, so I decided to sign up for the local community college. Social work…that would be my major. But…wait…DETOUR! Surprise…I WAS PREGNANT! So instead, I graduated from high school (pregnant) in June, started a full-time accounting job the day after graduation, was married in August at age 17, turned 18 in November and delivered a bouncing baby boy, Timothy, in January! That was my first major DETOUR. But I will say I was glad that I traveled that road. That detour led me down a path where I gave birth to two more beautiful daughters and I cannot imagine what my life would have been like without my children.

My next DETOUR happened just three years later when my husband announced we were moving from Michigan to California. I had two weeks to pack. I was leaving my family behind. Needless to say, my mom was affected by that DETOUR the most. She had cared for Timothy (Timmy) from the time he was 6 weeks old and now he was three years old and I was just ‘taking’ him from her. It was a very emotional DETOUR for me and my mom. We settled in southern California in 1982. Four years later, and a lot of bumpy roads in between, we DETOURED back to Michigan in 1986. In 1994, our marriage took a wrong turn, and my life took another major DETOUR.

The DETOUR of divorce can be devastating. I used to think divorce was almost as bad, if not worse than death. When there are children involved there is no closure. Ever. With death, at least you have some type of closure. You always have the shared birthdays, holidays, vacations to deal with. And after they are adults it really doesn’t get much better. It’s harder to hide the pain of ‘sharing’ them on their birthdays, and not waking up on Christmas morning with them, when they are older. Eventually they realize they are hurting someone by not being with them…and the heart ache of divorce continues its attack. This is quite possibly your childs’ first DETOUR.

Six years after my divorce, I finally sought counseling through a DivorceCare program through our church and my life took a DETOUR that led me down a narrow road into the arms of God. I had never really searched for God too much. I sought after many other men trying to fill the void left in my heart after a failed marriage and no self-esteem, but that was a bunch of DETOURS and wrong turns that I chose on my own….they didn’t work out too well! I am glad God was there to show me the narrow path. Occasionally the narrow path would tempt me with twists and turns, but I chose to stay close to God.

Then God took me on a DETOUR that I was sure He messed up on. He crossed my path with my husband, Roy. We really had nothing in common, except we both played chess. There were parts of Roy’s life I would never understand. Things I was exposed to that I had only heard about in other people’s lives. What kind of a DETOUR was this? I had to ask myself what did I do wrong? I was leading a Single Women’s Bible Study, helping organize the Singles Friday night volleyball group, Church twice a week and spending all my free time with my kids and my grandson…why would God lead me down this road? Well, He was right. He hadn’t messed up. I had some lessons to learn and Roy allowed God to use him to help teach me. Do you ever stop and think of the people who God has used in your life to help you ‘learn’ a lesson? How many DETOURS has God led you down and you still haven’t figured it out yet? I am still learning lessons with my husband. They are tests that I feel I fail miserably at times, but I have a very forgiving God (and husband) that knows my heart. The lesson of grace and mercy are still challenging for me…but I think I just about got them down.

And then, the biggest DETOUR ever to come into anyone’s lives hit me like a ton of bricks….

The DETOUR was Cancer. It wasn’t mine. It wasn’t a parent or a sibling or a friend…it was my child. My first born. I knew this time God had to have assigned the wrong person. I was 2400 miles away. But you know when God throws a DETOUR out there we have two choices….we can run and take the other road that everyone else travels that leads to nowhere but destruction in the end, or we can take that path God laid out in front of us and TRUST HIM to bring us through this construction of our soul. I had to EMBRACE THIS DETOUR….and put all of my faith in God.

March of 2015, I received the call that any parent dreads…my 36 year old son has cancer. Two days later I found my husband putting me on a plane to California for an indefinite amount of time. He would stay back and take care of our home, his elderly father and our business. I knew in my head I would not be home until my son was back on his feet again, however long that took! Stage 2 Squamous Cell Carcinoma, base of tongue tumor. The only treatment is chemo and radiation. It was a long road ahead….DETOUR signs everywhere along the way. One DETOUR led my ex-husband to the house with all of us…my ex, my husband, my kids and me…..all together after almost 25 years of barely speaking, and certainly not speaking nicely when words were spoken. But that was one of God’s DETOURS along this journey. After all those years, we had no choice but to join forces and travel down the path that would lead our son back to good health. We had to be on this path together for our son and our daughters and our grandson. God used the DETOUR to heal a broken relationship of over 20 years. Again, it was a DETOUR that I am glad God led me down. The circumstances of the detour were horrendous…but so are broken relationships that have torn a family apart for over 20 years. Praise God that it is now mended. If you have a broken relationship, take the time to travel down the path to mending. Take your own DETOUR and ask God to help you mend your family back together.

I wish I could say that was the end of the cancer DETOUR…but sadly it was not. The DETOUR came to the point where there was nowhere left to turn. There was no fork in the road, no bridge to cross, no mountain to climb over. The road we had taken was gone, washed out. The effects of the two-a-day radiation treatments (Over sixty total!) had damaged Tim’s carotid arteries and although he beat the nasty cancer inside of him, the effects of the treatment showed its ugly face while he was fighting to gain his strength back at physical therapy. Our son coughed, his carotid artery ruptured and he was gone in three minutes. There were no more DETOURS for him to battle in his life. The only road he had left to travel led him into the arms of God.

And that leads us up to our last two DETOURS thus far in our journey here on earth. Although my husband and I, and my daughter and her husband, had planned on moving to California within a couple of years of my son, grandson and youngest daughters move…we moved up that date. This DETOUR led us into settling in a sunny beach town in southern California and the privilege to continue raising our grandson (with his mom who was residing in Arizona) now that my son was gone. With family surrounding us every day it seems that the DETOUR leading up to this detour could be looked upon as the worse detour anyone could ever face, the reality of it is this…DETOURS are our journey that God chooses for us. We have to ask ourselves is it truly a DETOUR or was it just our path to begin with? Just because it doesn’t go exactly as it was planned in our agenda, does not mean that it wasn’t the path that God had for us all along.

And our last DETOUR. One that has been very heart wrenching for my husband and myself. We had been in business with a leadership group for over seven years when the DETOUR that took our son hit us. Through all the twists and turns and the 2400 mile move our business was failing. Was it not a good fit in southern California? Did the business make changes that just weren’t working? Were our hearts just not in it anymore? It doesn’t matter why it didn’t work…the point is it was not working. We stepped aside mentally to decide what our options were. It was time to move on and I am so glad we followed God’s lead. If we had stayed where we were I don’t think I would be here. My health was at rock bottom. The stress of losing my son and losing our business had taken its toll on me. I had no hope.

We were then introduced to an opportunity to join a new company. One that we thought would thrive in the southern California environment. One that we thought we could build together with our established business. Although things did not work out as planned with our previous business…DETOUR…we are hopeful for our future. Our new health and wellness business has taken a very special place in our heart after losing our son. All the money in the world means nothing if you do not have your health.

Our new detour has introduced us to the world of VASAYO MicroLife products. A new business. A new mentor. New friends. New business partners. A new product. A new life.

My life was devastated when my son passed away. I was not me anymore. Part of my heart went missing. My whole family was suffering the loss of their son, brother and dad…and their wife, mom and grandma. I was dead inside. The products that I have used from Vasayo have brought me back to life again. They have given me hope. They have given me a reason to get out of bed. To smile. To work for a cause. To be the wife, mom and grandma that God has created me to be. And I feel healthy again.

We lived through a DETOUR that could have devastated us or developed us. We chose to let it develop us. Trust me there have been many bumpy roads, road closures, U turns, mountains and valleys…but when GOD says DETOUR…follow Him…it really isn’t a detour….it was your journey to begin with.

 

If you are feeling low, tired, worn out, stressed, anxious, heartbroken, lost, hopeless…please contact me. I want to help you. It may be that you just need someone to listen. Someone who has experienced what you are going through. I can also share with you the supplements that helped get me back on track again. Feel free to email me and together we will get hope back in our lives. Giving hope frees you up to receive hope! There is a Detour out there for you that will lead you back to a life of hope!

Contact me at brendah0106@gmail.com

You can also check out the supplements that changed my life at
http://www.aohealthhub.com

WORRY vs FAITH

WORRY…

I spent so much of life worrying. Where did it come from? Did I inherit it? Is it contagious? Is it hereditary?  BINGO…that’s it!  It is hereditary.  (Lets call it a ‘learned behavior’) My mom, as long as I can remember, worried all the time.  What if this, and what if that, you might catch cold, don’t miss the bus, etc…so much so, that I believe my first panic attack actually happened in second grade.

Feels like it was yesterday…we were in Ms. Good’s second grade class, and there he was…Tim P was a bad boy! Me? I was ‘the perfect student’ in every way!  I turned in all my assignments, was always the first one done in class, always on time, straight A’s…I was a teacher’s dream student. Tim was the nightmare student! I will never forget that day when she assigned me to go move my desk next to Tim to see if any of my good habits would ‘rub off’ on him.  They didn’t! And that is when my first panic attack arrived!

Sitting in class, the bell rang to leave school and board the bus for home…and there we sat, at our desks, not being able to move until all the papers were picked up off the floor around us. They weren’t my papers.  They were Tim’s papers and I was not allowed to pick them up…Tim had to.  And he seen panic in my face. That made him happy. (You ever hear the saying, ‘hurting people, hurt people’? Well I didn’t realize it at the time, but he was a hurting people.) My mother always said…”don’t miss the bus”…well i was about to “miss the bus”! What did that mean? How would I get home? My mom didn’t drive! My dad was at work! Would my neighbor come get me? would I have to stay here with Tim? Aghhhh….panic sets in and my heart starts racing like Secretariat! I guess crying was my next choice…so that I did. And I was very good at crying…I was the baby in a family of six siblings! The teacher gave in. I made the bus. And everyone in the school heard about how I cried that day. And Tim? Well he took full advantage of that situation…and the rest of that school year was a nightmare!

I make light of the story in a way…but is was so real. It was 46 years ago and I remember every detail! That tells you that anxiety is nothing to take lightly.

As my life continued I had a few panic attacks in high school when asked to speak in front of people. Somehow, I managed to get through them and managed to stay quiet and sit in the back of the class, hoping to never have to talk. (SIDENOTE: I now have spoken in front of thousands of people with no fear; and the fear of missing the bus plagued me all through school and never once did I ever miss the bus!)

I experienced panic attacks off and on throughout my life, mostly due to some traumatic experiences.  As I started to make different choices later in my life they started to decrease.  I was on my way to recovery…when out of nowhere they were back!

We were out of town visiting family, in the middle of Walmart, and out of nowhere…panic set in. My heart started racing, my pulse skyrocketed, my blood pressure was extremely elevated (we ran to the blood pressure machine in the pharmacy area…210/170) Certainly, I was experiencing a stroke or heart attack and to the emergency room I went! Only to find out after three hours of waiting, I suffered a panic attack and indigestion! I have no idea why. We were having a great time visiting family…no clue…it just hit!

After returning home we visited the doctor. He prescribed depression medication, along with anxiety meds and bp meds and acid reflux meds. I said to myself, “I was perfectly fine four days ago. Now, I have all these medications. What is wrong with me. Am I dying?” Again…panic sets in…I don’t want to die. I am too young to die. I want to see my family grow. I want to hang out with my grandchildren. Travel. GOD…why are you letting this happen? EEERRRRRRRKKKKKKK….God?

WORRY IS TEMPORARY ATHEISM. I wasn’t believing that God could help me at all. I was letting the devil rob me of my life! I let him into my mind and feed me full of lies. He convinced me that the best part of my day was to stay asleep…because nothing can hurt me when I’m sleeping. He had me thinking that every time I felt a twitch I was going to start having chest pains, shortness of breath, sweating, nausea, tingling…a sure sign I was having a heart attack! I needed GOD to help me…not medications! And that is when everything changed.

Not all wounds are visible and anxiety and panic attacks are definitely a wound. They cast a fight or flight sense in you and you have to be prepared to have a panic attack and let your mind run wild, or fight back! I chose to fight back.

There are five steps to help you to get through a panic attack:
1) It is TEMPORARY! Remember this too shall pass
2) MOVE AROUND! Get up and move around, change seats, walk, go to the bathroom.
3) TALK! I chose to talk with GOD…yep right there in the bathroom stall…don’t laugh it works!  He can remove those demonic thoughts from you as if they were a booger!
4) BREATH! Especially at night. Count your breaths. Close your eyes and breathe deep until you have control over your body again.
5) FEEL STRONG!

Cast all your anxiety upon Him because He cares about you ~ 1 Peter 5:7

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me ~ Phillipians 4:13

I never did take any of the anxiety/depression medications.*  I guess in my mind knowing I had them ‘just in case’ was enough. Praying and sharing with God about my anxieties worked for me. He helped me fight off those demons trying to tear up my insides. But my God is so much bigger than they are. I rise each morning now knowing that the devil is shaking in his shoes somewhere saying “Oh no, she’s up!”  *(If your doctor prescribes meds, take them.  I chose to use God for my true physician.  He and I together conquered this illness!)

Please remember, there is not enough room in your mind for worry and faith. You must decide which one will live there. Choose FAITH. God will never fail you! I know he saved me from a life of fear and anxiety.

From worry and anxiety to FAITH and PEACE! Praise God!

Because of HIM
Brenda

PS ~ A Big thank you to my wonderful hubby Roy for helping me through many of these attacks as well. As we began to study Anxiety, he and I discovered the seriousness of this mental illness. (I strongly encourage you to study this illness with your family so they understand this illness and the effects it has on families) His strength in God pushed my strength in Him to a new level! Because of Roy, my faith has quadrupled…and because of that he is also my hero! If you want to see for yourself what a great guy he is, check out his blogs at http://www.royhatcherleadership.wordpress.com! Love you honey!